Thursday, October 25, 2012

Bringing Home #2

I really struggled with feelings of guilt when Ada was born. Guilt that I was abandoning Madelyn. Guilt that I wasn't as close to Ada. Guilt that I had to split my time, my attention, everything. It made me miss Madelyn as a baby and also want to fast forward to a time that the girls are going to love each other and be the best of friends. It is a strange feeling - wanting to either go back in time or move forward as fast as possible. It was a rough time but here we are 5 months later and we are getting to the good stuff! My girls absolutely adore one another! Madelyn will not go to bed without kissing Ada and Ada saves her biggest best smiles for her sister.

I just found this blog post and had to share. I've included a link to the original blogger (Kate from Perpetually Nesting) as well as provided the text.

What Nobody Says About Bringing Home #2

I have to write about this before it fades.
The days following Eze’s birth only held two emotions for me. Guilt and fear.

Love, of course, overshadowed all of it, but I’m not talking about that, right now.

With white knuckles and tears staining my face, I clung to a truth our pediatrician told me in passing.

He has six kids. Therefore I believe everything he says.

“When we had our second,” Dr. Abe told me, “My sister told me this, and now I’ll tell it to you.”

And here it is:

“The greatest gift you can ever give a child is a brother or sister.”

This has to be true, please let it be true, I remember praying, Because I totally feel like I’m breaking him right now.

Jeebs was so young (14 months old). Despite being given a baby doll to play with and getting hyped up about being a ‘big brother,’ there wasn’t much we could explain to him that he would understand. And then this little screeching alien showed up and took over.

Tantrums, night terrors, bewildered eyes, crying for Mommy, elongated nighttime routines, lack of appetite, huge, thick empathetic tears every time Eze would cry. It sure didn’t feel like a gift. It felt like a nightmare. Jeebs even looked a mess.

We all did.

Before Eze, Jeebs had a great life. He had his own schedule, his own perfect room, his own toys, his own clothes and both of our rapt attention at all times. I didn’t realize more than in passing that all that would change.

“Nobody told me how hard this is,” I’d sob, to anyone close to me who would listen. “Why didn’t anyone warn me?”

So I’m warning you now. Especially if you are an emotional faucet like me.

The first weeks, even the first month after bringing home baby number two, can be excruciatingly difficult.

Even if you have help. Especially if your first is still a baby. [But I can imagine that even if she is old enough to walk, talk, draw and talk about her feelings, it will still be tough.]

Because she’s had you all to herself for ages.

And you are bringing home a baby. One you’ve never met. One you haven’t yet bonded with. One who is a foreign ship in your known home waters.

And you might feel a whole lot of guilt about not knowing her the way you know Big baby, too. Just sayin’. It can be an all around painful guilt fest.

The good news is, it gets better. Everyone equilibrates, each of you finds a new normal. Big baby adjusts. Little baby bonds. Everyone thrives again, eventually. And Dr. Abe’s truth holds. Your family is NOT the exception to that rule. I know because I felt like we might be.

But when he’s born, and if you feel this way (and I hope you don’t, because it really isn’t fun), at least you’ll know that you aren’t the only one. At least you can know that I survived, Jeebs survived, Eze survived and you will too.

The greatest gift you can ever give your child is a brother or sister. It is. I promise. My kids are both proof of that, now. It won’t feel that way immediately, but it’s one of those long-run things that hurts at first. You don’t need to be anxious about it. Because now you are prepared.

I won’t leave you with a downer. I’ll post tomorrow with some constructive help on how to ease the transition. Like I said, you aren’t alone.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Ada's 5th Month

Welcome to sleep regression. Headquarters - Ada's bedroom! Oh sweet girl, you have challenged us this month. It is the craziest thing because generally you are a very happy baby but when you've had enough, you have had ENOUGH. You also are very particular with what you want and won't settle down until we figure out what it is. More often than not this month, what you want is to nurse. Just a few days before you hit 5 months your old sleep habits returned...yay! I always assume you are working on some new milestone when you get all wacky. Guess what it was this time. You can sit up on your own! Way to go Bug! I was not expecting that! You are just going to blow through these milestones like they are nothing.
First time sitting on your own and we caught it on camera!

You've pretty much given up sucking your thumb. Turns out I was worried over nothing. You have picked up using a pacifier (sort of). You like to use the wubbanub because you can manuver it into your mouth but you only actually suck on it for about 2 seconds before you pull it back out again.

You have really started playing with toys this month. You love chewing on Sophie or grabbing at toys that are hanging on your car seat or play mat. Grandma has reported that you can hold your own bottle as well. You really enjoy tummy time as well. Your new trick is blowing raspberries and you do it! You have also started jumping in your jumperoo and will hang out in there for a good 20 minutes before you want to move.

Loves - toys, Sophie, nursing
Dislikes - us trying to get you to sleep when you aren't ready
Firsts - pumpkin patch trip, sitting unassisted, pig tails, sink bath

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Madelyn's 23rd Month

You crack me up lady! I love hanging out with you!

Big things this month:

You still like counting and can say two. It goes something like this "da, two, da, da". You've also started saying your colors and are getting better at picking out the right color. It seems as though your favorite color is "bink" (pink), with "gween" (green) a close second. We've started working on some handmade Christmas gifts and you love any gift that involves your handprint or footprint. We have been practicing saying "trick or treat" but it comes out more like "ick OHH teat" Love it!

You are really into music right now and love singing along to your Music Together cd. You also get really excited when songs you recognize come across pandora. You will run over the ipod, sing and dance along and then start signing more as soon as it is over. You also use your blocks as microphones. I will usually hold your finger up above your head while you twirl around and recently I caught you twirling in the kitchen with your hand above your head dancing by yourself. You love singing "If You're Happy and You Know It" in the grocery store.

You can open the basement door and love letting the cats come upstairs so you can chase them around. That lasted about 2 weeks before Dad got tired of hunting for cats and put a child lock on the door knob. You are also very helpful around the house. You love to help me set the table and you will fill Ziggy's bowl with tiny handfuls of food everytime you find it empty.

I've started taking you on Mom and Madelyn dates this month. I love the one on one time and you feel like such a big girl! Our favorite spot is Panera Bread. Speaking of big girl, we moved you out of the high chair and into a booster seat at the table with the rest of us. That worked wonders for your eating habits. You will eat anything we put in front of you right now - salad, falafel, soup, any fruits or veggies, anything! Watching you eat with your fork and drink out of a big girl glass makes me want to cry! I just can't believe what a little lady you are turning into.

Sunday, October 14, 2012


Ada has figured out how to blow raspberries! Turns out trying to videotape milestones is much harder with a toddler that wants to steal the show running around!

Saturday, October 13, 2012


Fall is an incredibly busy time in the Barish house. Nick kicks of the season with his birthday on October 11. Ben is close behind on October 19. Throw in Halloween quickly followed up by Madelyn's birthday on November 17. Then we have Thanksgiving and before you know it - it's Christmas. Eek! It is beyond overwhelming! Fortunately, I have been planning ahead and seem to be cruising right along with the festivities. This week is going to be a big one!

Monday - my family is coming over for eggplant parmesan (just because)
Thursday - taking the girls to Little Boo at the Toledo Zoo then having family over for Ben's birthday.
Friday - family wedding
Saturday - Nick's birthday/UM v MSU party
Sunday - Ben's friend party/Lily's birthday party

Stay tuned for the details!