Bringing Home #2

I really struggled with feelings of guilt when Ada was born. Guilt that I was abandoning Madelyn. Guilt that I wasn't as close to Ada. Guilt that I had to split my time, my attention, everything. It made me miss Madelyn as a baby and also want to fast forward to a time that the girls are going to love each other and be the best of friends. It is a strange feeling - wanting to either go back in time or move forward as fast as possible. It was a rough time but here we are 5 months later and we are getting to the good stuff! My girls absolutely adore one another! Madelyn will not go to bed without kissing Ada and Ada saves her biggest best smiles for her sister.

I just found this blog post and had to share. I've included a link to the original blogger (Kate from Perpetually Nesting) as well as provided the text.

What Nobody Says About Bringing Home #2

I have to write about this before it fades.

The days following Eze’s birth only held two emotions for me. Guilt and fear.

Love, of course, overshadowed all of it, but I’m not talking about that, right now.

With white knuckles and tears staining my face, I clung to a truth our pediatrician told me in passing.

He has six kids. Therefore I believe everything he says.

“When we had our second,” Dr. Abe told me, “My sister told me this, and now I’ll tell it to you.”

And here it is:

“The greatest gift you can ever give a child is a brother or sister.”

This has to be true, please let it be true, I remember praying, Because I totally feel like I’m breaking him right now.

Jeebs was so young (14 months old). Despite being given a baby doll to play with and getting hyped up about being a ‘big brother,’ there wasn’t much we could explain to him that he would understand. And then this little screeching alien showed up and took over.

Tantrums, night terrors, bewildered eyes, crying for Mommy, elongated nighttime routines, lack of appetite, huge, thick empathetic tears every time Eze would cry. It sure didn’t feel like a gift. It felt like a nightmare. Jeebs even looked a mess.

We all did.

Before Eze, Jeebs had a great life. He had his own schedule, his own perfect room, his own toys, his own clothes and both of our rapt attention at all times. I didn’t realize more than in passing that all that would change.

“Nobody told me how hard this is,” I’d sob, to anyone close to me who would listen. “Why didn’t anyone warn me?”

So I’m warning you now. Especially if you are an emotional faucet like me.

The first weeks, even the first month after bringing home baby number two, can be excruciatingly difficult.

Even if you have help. Especially if your first is still a baby. [But I can imagine that even if she is old enough to walk, talk, draw and talk about her feelings, it will still be tough.]

Because she’s had you all to herself for ages.

And you are bringing home a baby. One you’ve never met. One you haven’t yet bonded with. One who is a foreign ship in your known home waters.

And you might feel a whole lot of guilt about not knowing her the way you know Big baby, too. Just sayin’. It can be an all around painful guilt fest.

The good news is, it gets better. Everyone equilibrates, each of you finds a new normal. Big baby adjusts. Little baby bonds. Everyone thrives again, eventually. And Dr. Abe’s truth holds. Your family is NOT the exception to that rule. I know because I felt like we might be.

But when he’s born, and if you feel this way (and I hope you don’t, because it really isn’t fun), at least you’ll know that you aren’t the only one. At least you can know that I survived, Jeebs survived, Eze survived and you will too.

The greatest gift you can ever give your child is a brother or sister. It is. I promise. My kids are both proof of that, now. It won’t feel that way immediately, but it’s one of those long-run things that hurts at first. You don’t need to be anxious about it. Because now you are prepared.

I won’t leave you with a downer. I’ll post tomorrow with some constructive help on how to ease the transition. Like I said, you aren’t alone.

Ada's 5th Month

Welcome to sleep regression. Headquarters - Ada's bedroom! Oh sweet girl, you have challenged us this month. It is the craziest thing because generally you are a very happy baby but when you've had enough, you have had ENOUGH. You also are very particular with what you want and won't settle down until we figure out what it is. More often than not this month, what you want is to nurse. Just a few days before you hit 5 months your old sleep habits returned...yay! I always assume you are working on some new milestone when you get all wacky. Guess what it was this time. You can sit up on your own! Way to go Bug! I was not expecting that! You are just going to blow through these milestones like they are nothing.

First time sitting on your own and we caught it on camera!

You've pretty much given up sucking your thumb. Turns out I was worried over nothing. You have picked up using a pacifier (sort of). You like to use the wubbanub because you can manuver it into your mouth but you only actually suck on it for about 2 seconds before you pull it back out again.

You have really started playing with toys this month. You love chewing on Sophie or grabbing at toys that are hanging on your car seat or play mat. Grandma has reported that you can hold your own bottle as well. You really enjoy tummy time as well. Your new trick is blowing raspberries and you do it all.day.long! You have also started jumping in your jumperoo and will hang out in there for a good 20 minutes before you want to move.

Loves - toys, Sophie, nursing
Dislikes - us trying to get you to sleep when you aren't ready
Firsts - pumpkin patch trip, sitting unassisted, pig tails, sink bath

Madelyn's 23rd Month

You crack me up lady! I love hanging out with you!

Big things this month:

You still like counting and can say two. It goes something like this "da, two, da, da". You've also started saying your colors and are getting better at picking out the right color. It seems as though your favorite color is "bink" (pink), with "gween" (green) a close second. We've started working on some handmade Christmas gifts and you love any gift that involves your handprint or footprint. We have been practicing saying "trick or treat" but it comes out more like "ick OHH teat" Love it!

You are really into music right now and love singing along to your Music Together cd. You also get really excited when songs you recognize come across pandora. You will run over the ipod, sing and dance along and then start signing more as soon as it is over. You also use your blocks as microphones. I will usually hold your finger up above your head while you twirl around and recently I caught you twirling in the kitchen with your hand above your head dancing by yourself. You love singing "If You're Happy and You Know It" in the grocery store.

You can open the basement door and love letting the cats come upstairs so you can chase them around. That lasted about 2 weeks before Dad got tired of hunting for cats and put a child lock on the door knob. You are also very helpful around the house. You love to help me set the table and you will fill Ziggy's bowl with tiny handfuls of food everytime you find it empty.

I've started taking you on Mom and Madelyn dates this month. I love the one on one time and you feel like such a big girl! Our favorite spot is Panera Bread. Speaking of big girl, we moved you out of the high chair and into a booster seat at the table with the rest of us. That worked wonders for your eating habits. You will eat anything we put in front of you right now - salad, falafel, soup, any fruits or veggies, anything! Watching you eat with your fork and drink out of a big girl glass makes me want to cry! I just can't believe what a little lady you are turning into.

Raspberries

Ada has figured out how to blow raspberries! Turns out trying to videotape milestones is much harder with a toddler that wants to steal the show running around!

Birthdaypalooza

Fall is an incredibly busy time in the Barish house. Nick kicks of the season with his birthday on October 11. Ben is close behind on October 19. Throw in Halloween quickly followed up by Madelyn's birthday on November 17. Then we have Thanksgiving and before you know it - it's Christmas. Eek! It is beyond overwhelming! Fortunately, I have been planning ahead and seem to be cruising right along with the festivities. This week is going to be a big one!

Monday - my family is coming over for eggplant parmesan (just because)
Thursday - taking the girls to Little Boo at the Toledo Zoo then having family over for Ben's birthday.
Friday - family wedding
Saturday - Nick's birthday/UM v MSU party
Sunday - Ben's friend party/Lily's birthday party

Stay tuned for the details!

Ada's 4th Month

You are such a happy baby girl! My favorite part of the day is walking into your room and you greeting me with a gummy grin! That's right little girl - you're sleeping in your own room. I am so proud of you! You also slept through the night for the first time this month. 8pm-8am. I woke up and ran into your room to make sure you were still breathing. You had flipped to your belly but were fast asleep with your thumb in your mouth.

I couldn't help it! I love that face!

You've gotten much better in the car this month. We had to drive to Grand Rapids for a wedding and you made it up until the last 10 minutes before getting upset. You would rather ride in the City Select stroller because you can watch Madelyn and also keep an eye on Mom and Dad. You do okay in the Bob but I have to keep it moving and give you the ipod to listen to. You are fascinated by your sister and love when she gets right up in your face. You greet her with a smile every time.

We moved you up to the size small diapers. I started wearing you on my back in the Ergo. You much prefer that to any front carry wraps.

You have started laughing! Oh how I love that sound! I can usually get one by kissing your neck. You just love sitting and watching your family and are generally content as long as we don't leave you alone in a room.

We've been meeting up with all the babies from your birth class and it is nice to have some time with you. I also like that you are getting your own group of babies to spend time with and hopefully we have the beginning of some friendships here.

You've really started putting inflection in your babbles this month and you definitely want to be part of the conversation. I could sit and talk with you all day Miss. Bug.

Right now you love Mama cuddles and I love giving them to you. One benefit of being the second baby is that I know how quickly your babyhood will fly by and as a result I am always willing to give you that extra snuggle. I rock you to sleep every single night and watch you drift off with your thumb in your mouth. I am trying to carve that image into my memory. You look so peaceful.

We broke out the jumperoo and you LOVE it! I think we finally found your toy. You've also started going in your swing again and are fascinated by the toys that are attached to it now. You are always watching and learning. You are also rolling both ways now which means if I step out of the room, you are never where I left you when I get back.

Madelyn's 22nd Month

Girl! You never stop moving. Never. I've had a blast with you this month! You've got all your teeth now except for those last 4 molars. I have a feeling they are moving though because you've had your fingers in your mouth nonstop. I suspect you have allergies as well. Right about the time your Uncle Caleb's confirmed allergies were driving him crazy you started getting a runny nose, were sneezing like crazy and had red eyes - poor little lady!

Poor girl is extra sensitive to mosquitos!

You are starting to get into arts and crafts this month. Loving crayons and coloring, stringing beads, and playing with musical instruments we check out from the library. You can even hold your pencil correctly! You've also been embracing the break in the heat we've had and been exercising those little legs of yours. You've gotten better at climbing and jumping and we even started gymnastics class this month. Gymnastics seems to be a perfect fit for you right now. You have the freedom to run around like a crazy woman and you just bounce off of all the equipment without hurting yourself. Plus we end the class with bubbles,  parachutes and a stamp - your favorite class activities.

A Very Hungry Caterpillar themed lunch

You have made some pretty big strides in language this month and most people are able to understand what you are saying now. You are still obsessed with Finding Nemo and we let you watch a few minutes before bed. Every night after you get your jammies on, you beeline for the living room, grab the remote and bring it to the nearest person to turn on "ishhh, ishhh, ishhh". You then bounce up and down, beyond giddy until it starts. We are working on expanding your movie choices since Dad and I have memorized Finding Nemo. A close second right now is Lady and the Tramp. You have zero interest in the Disney Princess movies.

The day you discovered stickers! and your hair discovered volume!

Favorite food right now is cheese. You would eat it all day, every day if I would just let you. Anytime you catch one of us in the fridge, you come running and open up the cheese drawer and point until we give you a string cheese. You've also started bringing us bananas out of the cabinet when you want one. Big news - you've started drinking milk and can ask for it by name! You also love peas still frozen. Forget thawing them, you want 'em right outta the bag.

Your personality cracks me up on a daily basis. You love to count but can't articulate the numbers. I know you are counting because I see you moving your fingers and using the same inflections in your voice that people use when they count with you. Your favorite thing to do is to count 1,2,3 and then scream. We probably shouldn't encourage it but it is hilarious. You can match colors but haven't quite figured out the names of each color. Your favorite toy is your colored shape sorter. You also have started doing the actions to your favorite songs - "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes", "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "The Hokey Pokey". You have been quite a lover this month and won't go to bed without giving everyone in the house a goodnight kiss. I taught you eskimo kisses and you love doing those as well.

Last bit of news - your eyes are hazel! I thought you were going to keep your blue eyes but they have slowly been changing and I looked at you this month and you definitely have hazel eyes. Just like your mama!

Gangster with her pacifier army!

Nap Time

This is what nap time at the Barish household sounds like:

Loving Two

I found this blurb on the internet just after Ada was born. At the time, I was struggling with some pretty big feelings of guilt over Madelyn having to share my attention. This poem gave me hope at the time and now I can read it and realize how true it is. I already can't imagine not having both of my girls and watching them together makes emotion bubble up inside of me. I feel like I gave each of them a truly awesome gift.

 

Loving Two

As I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?

 

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" And I hear myself telling you in mine,"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again. You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

 

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection. More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.

 

There are new times -- only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.

 

And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently.

 

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply. I love you -- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

 

 

Being a Mom

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in my short time being a mom is tolerance. Being a mom is a tough job and the last thing any parent needs is another mother forcing her opinions and judgements on your family. I believe the best thing we can do for other mothers is simply be supportive. You aren't the one walking the floors with her colicky baby until 3am, dealing with the frustrations of potty training her independent toddler, sitting at her dining room table doing homework with her ten year old or disciplining her free spirited teenager. Point being, you have no idea what goes on in her family 99% of the time, so who are you to judge the choices she makes in raising her children?

My close knit group of friends has drastically different parenting styles which leads to very different decisions we each make for our children thus far. Some vaccinate, some don't, some do alternative schedules. Some breastfeed, some don't and some extend breastfeeding well into toddlerhood. Some cosleep, some have their baby in their crib from day one. Some stay at home and some work. I could fill pages with all the differences but in spite of all these differences in parenting choices, there is one major similiarity in all of our children. They are happy, well adjusted and loved. What I appreciate in these women is no one condemns anyone else's decisions. Each mother will listen to other points of view with respect, share her opinion and ultimately make the call on what works for her child. No one's feelings are hurt and everyone walks away with a little more understanding.

I firmly believe every mother makes the best decisions she can for her children and although it may not be the same decisions you would make, that doesn't make her wrong. As mothers, we need to create a community of support to build each other up, not tear each other down. We are already working hard enough raising beautiful, healthy and happy children - why should we have to add more to our plate by having to defend our choices?

I will now step down from my soapbox and reward you with some cuteness for listening to my rant:

First Pony Tail!

and here's Madelyn's for comparison

They both wore their first pony right around 3 months!

Warning: there is underwear in this post!

Madelyn is really mad because I won't let her push her stroller around the neighborhood while she sports my underwear like a necklace.

I know...I'm a really mean mom but I do have some pride.

Ada's 3rd Month

Love that drooly smile!

We are really hitting a groove little bug! We made some major progress with car rides this month. Turns out you love The Dixie Chicks and you really love when I sing The Dixie Chicks at the top of my lungs. It also really helps when I lay my rice bag across your lap. I think you like the weight of something on your legs. We have attached 5.2 million toys to your carseat as well which keeps you from getting bored. Combine all these tactics and we can generally make it from Ann Arbor to Brighton without any issues.

You've turned into a full on thumb sucker. It is adorable at three months but I would be lying if I didn't say I am terrified of breaking this habit later. The nice part is that I don't have to get up and put the pacifier back in your mouth 485 times a day. I also feel like we are close to you sleeping in your crib at night. You haven't slept in your Rock n Play in at least a month. Plus, you've napped in your crib a handful of times and those tend to be your best naps. I'm a little sad because it means I have to get up and feed you rather than just feed you from bed, but that's okay.

See - it IS adorable!

I have a funny story I just have to share with you. The other night, you and I were in bed and Daddy was sleeping on the couch. You were having a hard time settling down so I decided to bring you out into the livingroom and bounce you for awhile. We walked into the livingroom and I turned on the lamp. You started babbling and Daddy jumped up from a dead sleep, grabbed your carseat and started bouncing it on the yoga ball. I started laughing and asked Daddy what he was doing and he told me that he was bouncing you. I told him that you weren't in your carseat and he told me that I was going to have to put you in there anyway. I reminded him that he needed to stop bouncing it first.

Mama and her ladies!

You started rolling over this month but we still haven't caught it on camera. You can roll back to belly but not belly to back. You also started sitting in your bumbo and are a much happier girl. I bought you a new toy called the Kickin' Coaster. You love being able to make your seat move rather than being stuck in a bouncer that we have to bounce for you. I discovered this when you decided to try and flip yourself out of Grandma's bouncer. Oh Ada bug, you are on the move kiddo! Most people don't believe me when I tell them you are only 3 months old because you act more like a 4-5 month old!

Kickin' in her Coaster

Love you to the moon and back Rator Gator!

Madelyn's 21st Month

Much better month Miss. M! We cracked down on your "rests" and it has made a big difference. You also seem to realize that taking the time to show us what you want is much more successful than just yelling. Awesome work!

You went to the dentist for the first time this month and did a great job. They didn't do a cleaning - just wanted to check for any major issues. Your teeth look fantastic. Your dentist did say you have a narrow palate - probably from your pacifier, but she is not concerned. You sweet talked your way into 2 toothbrushes, a ball and a little purse.

You are starting to show an interest in "grown up things". You like to help me clean the house and love using the little broom and dust pan. You could spend hours in my closet playing with my purses and shoes. Recently, you came into the bathroom while I was straightening my hair and insisted I do your hair also. You sat on the counter and stared at your reflection the entire time. Quite a little fashionista you are turning into!

You are saying more and more words every day and have even started putting 2 words together. Your favorites right now are purple, bumbo and thank you. You also love more please!

You still love your pacifiers but not really for sucking on. When I put you to bed, you insist on putting a pacifier on every single one of your fingers. I want to get a picture so badly but I keep forgetting!

Favorites right now include pushing your babies in the umbrella stroller, riding your four wheeler, feeding yourself cereal and yogurt (and you do a great job!), watching Finding Nemo (we started letting you watch tv in short 10 min increments), and covering Ada in kisses.

World Record Babies!

Back in April, Madelyn participated in The Great Cloth Diaper Change and is now part of the Guiness Book of World Records for Most Cloth Diapers Changed at One Time.

Well, last Friday I went to The Breastfeeding Cafe, hosted by The Breastfeeding Center of Ann Arbor, to meet up with some ladies from Ada's childbirth class. Turns out it was the day of The Big Latch On. Now Miss. Ada is part of the Guiness Book of World Records for Most Babies Nursing at One Time. (I will spare you a picture of my nursing child).

Go world record babies!

Mid Year (ish) Check In

I meant to check in on my 2012 goals every month but it turns out living life got in the way. The way I see it, a mid year review is better than nothing! Let's see how I've done...
1. Meal Planning - this one has been hit or miss. I will have a good couple of weeks and then nothing for a week or so. I did end up making some freezer meals for post Ada but it turns out most freezer meals involve reheating in the oven. Well, it has been a crazy hot summer so most of those meals are still in the freezer. I have definitely not done the once a month cooking. That is on hold until life calms down more.

2. Couponing - ha! Haven't done a single thing with this one.

3. Purge My House - I am always working on this one but it seems like stuff gets brought in faster than I can get rid of it. I can't say there has been any major breakthrough but I have definitely kept at it.

4. Pay Off Something - Still working at it. Definitely making progress. I finally feel like my car loan is actually shrinking which is a nice feeling.

5. Timeblocking - I did pretty well with this one until Ada's debut. Having a newborn makes timeblocking of any kind pretty much impossible. I have recently started again.

6. Focus On Work - I switched this one up a bit. I am in the office on Tuesday and Thursday. I have a friend's daughter coming to my house on Monday and Wednesday for a few hours. This routine is working pretty well so far but we'll see what happens come fall.

7. Reduce Pesticide/Plastic Nasty - Still slowly moving forward with this one. No major breakthroughs.

8. Project 365 - turns out this is really hard. I have probably taken a picture just about every day but am terrible at sharing them with the world. I think it's safe to say I am giving up on this one.

9. Pinterest - I haven't done a full count but I am definitely past the 25 pin goal. Most of them are recipes but it still counts.

10. Plan a 2013 Trip - No progress. Nick and I are talking about Riviera Maya again. Oh Honeymoon, how I miss thee!

11. VBAC - Check this one off the list!

12. Monthly Goal Check - how about semi-annual goal check?

Jabber Jaws

I told you this girl loves to talk!

Ada's 2nd Month

Little girl - you turned a major corner this month! You slept through the night for the first time. Granted, you woke up at 6am but I'm not complaining! Your sleep routine has gotten much more manageable. You refuse to sleep until around 10pm but then sleep until 3am. Now you are eating and falling right back to sleep. Unfortunately for Daddy, you sleep in our bed at that point in the night so he has to hit the couch until morning. You then sleep until 9 or 10 in the morning! Way to go Ada Bug!

You have gotten way more vocal this month as well. I know you are up in the mornings because I hear you babbling to yourself from the livingroom. It is way cuter than when you would cry to tell me you were awake! Your doctor said your verbal skills are that of a 4 month old! You can support your weight on your legs when we hold you up as well - again, similiar to a 4 month old! You also like when I pull you up to a sitting position by holding your hands. And the smiles, oh the smiles! They melt my heart and I think you know it so you keep flashing those gums!

We've started calling you a T-Rex since you tuck your little arms up when you are sitting or sleeping. You have an unfortunate cowlick on the back of your head that I'm hoping settles down when your hair grows out more. Your hair has started getting a little lighter but I don't think you will end up being blond.

We went up north for the 4th of July and you definitely let me know how you feel about long car rides. (You hate them) Turns out, you love riding on the Ranger and it puts you to sleep every time. Too bad we don't have one of those at home.

Definitely a good month for you Miss. Ada!

Stats - 13lb 8oz - 23.75"

Likes - your (Lily's) play mat, bouncing on the yoga ball, when mama talks to you

Dislikes - your pacifier, long car rides

Firsts for the month - time at the beach, trip to Bar 10, Ranger ride, meeting Uncle Jason and Avery

Nicknames - Adarater, Percolator, Alligator, Adagator, T-Rex, Ada Bug

Madelyn's 20th Month

Miss M - you have been exerting your independence and opinions this month. Holy moly lady! I can tell you are beyond frustrated at not being able to talk. I also can feel some molars starting to poke through your gums. Combining these things with having to share your mama with Ada and creeping closer to those terrible two's has made this past month a rough one for you. Big hugs baby girl - we will get through it, I promise! I've found that keeping you on a schedule, especially "rest times" helps a lot because you tend to melt down pretty quickly when you are tired. We've started using time outs and I don't think you mind them. They help you "reset" and give you a change of scenery so we will keep using those as a method of discipline.

There have been a lot of good things this month too! You absolutely love swim class, you little fish! The instructor was so impressed with your level of comfort in the water that she thought you were ready to get water poured on your head. After she did it, you looked at her like "no big deal", I do this every day. You also have figured out how to steer your four wheeler. This has made riding it a whole lot more fun! Dad had to teach you to stay out of the street but once you figured out to stay on the sidewalk, we were in business.

We went up north for 4th of July and you had a blast. You love riding the Ranger and the 4 wheelers and would tell us you wanted to "vroom vroom" whenever you wanted to go for a ride. You also went in the pond a few times via "boat boat" and loved it. We spent a day at Lake Huron and it was your first time at the beach! Again - you loved it!
You had your first McDonald's french fries on the way up north and you savored every one of those fries.

We brought your potty upstairs but haven't really started potty training. It just serves as an option if you want to use it. You like to sit on your potty if you catch me in the bathroom. Mom's really don't get alone time once they have babies. You can tell us if you are going #2 and a lot of the time, you let us put you on the potty for it. You then like to wave and say "buh bye poop" when we flush.

You love pushing things around - strollers, grocery carts, your wheely bug, whatever you can get your hands on.

Overall, it was a pretty big month. Now if we can just get those teeth through, we'll be in business!